Why “Coping Skills” Often Aren’t Enough for Anxiety

Many people come to therapy feeling frustrated with themselves because they know coping skills, and yet their anxiety is still there.

They can breathe deeply.
They can challenge anxious thoughts.
They’ve tried grounding, distraction, exercise, supplements, and all the “right” things.

And still, their body feels on edge. Their mind won’t settle. Or anxiety keeps returning in new forms.

When this happens, it’s not because you’re doing coping skills “wrong”. It’s usually because anxiety isn’t the real problem — it’s the signal. As I like to tell my clients, anxiety symptoms are a “check engine light.”

Coping skills are helpful… but limited

Coping skills are designed to help you get through moments of distress. They can reduce intensity, offer relief, and help you function when anxiety spikes. For many people, they’re an important starting point.

But coping skills tend to work top-down — they rely on conscious effort and behavior. Anxiety, on the other hand, is often bottom-up. It lives in the nervous system and the body, not just in thoughts.

This is why someone can intellectually understand that they’re safe, yet still feel:

Tightness in their chest
A racing or fluttery heart
Internal shaking or restlessness
A sense that something is “off”
Fear that comes out of nowhere

In those moments, telling yourself to calm down or reframe your thoughts may feel ineffective — or even invalidating.

Anxiety is often a nervous system pattern, not a mindset problem

For many of the clients I work with, anxiety isn’t about irrational thinking. It’s about a nervous system that, at some point, learned it needed to stay alert to stay safe.

This can come from:

Chronic stress or burnout
Early attachment wounds
Trauma (including subtle or developmental trauma)
Health scares or medical experiences
Long periods of uncertainty or overwhelm

Over time, the body adapts. Hypervigilance becomes normal. The nervous system gets very good at scanning for danger — even when life is relatively stable. Stress turns into anxiety (more about the difference in this blog I wrote).

Coping skills don’t always reach this level of the system. They can help manage symptoms, but they don’t retrain the underlying patterns that keep anxiety alive.

Why does anxiety come back sometimes?

One reason people feel discouraged is that anxiety may improve for a while — then return differently.

Maybe the panic attacks stop, but health anxiety shows up. Or sleep improves, but there’s constant tension. Or the thoughts quiet down, but the body still feels activated.

This doesn’t mean therapy isn’t working. It usually means the nervous system is trying to maintain control in the only way it knows how. When treatment focuses only on symptom management, anxiety often finds another outlet.

What therapy for anxiety looks like

In my work, we go beyond “how do I calm this down?” and ask:

Why does your nervous system feel unsafe right now?
What patterns does your body rely on to protect you?
What hasn’t been processed, integrated, or resolved yet?

This doesn’t mean endlessly reliving the past. It means working with anxiety at the level where it’s actually generated.

That may include:

Slowing down and tracking body-based cues
Understanding your unique anxiety pattern (not a generic model)
Working with attachment and relational dynamics
Gently expanding your window of tolerance
Building safety inside the nervous system, not just coping on top of it

Over time, anxiety doesn’t just get quieter — it becomes less necessary.

Therapy isn’t about eliminating anxiety

Anxiety isn’t a flaw. It’s a protective response that once made sense.

The goal of therapy isn’t to get rid of anxiety completely. It’s to help your nervous system learn that it doesn’t need to work so hard anymore.

When that happens, clients often notice:

Fewer sudden spikes
Less fear of bodily sensations
More emotional flexibility
Greater trust in themselves
A sense of steadiness that doesn’t rely on constant management

Coping skills can still be part of the picture — but they’re no longer the only line of defense.

You’re not failing at healing

If you’ve tried “all the tools” and still feel anxious, nothing is wrong with you.

It may simply be time for support that goes deeper than symptom control — support that understands anxiety as a whole-system experience, not just a thought problem to fix.

Therapy can be a place where your nervous system finally gets the message that it’s allowed to soften.

If you’d like to connect to learn how I can help with your anxiety recovery, please reach out here.

What’s the Difference?

Many people come to therapy asking some version of the same question: “Do I have anxiety?”
Part of the confusion is that stress, anxiety, and panic are often used interchangeably — even though they’re different experiences in the body and nervous system.

Understanding the difference can help you make sense of what you’re feeling and know when anxiety therapy might be helpful.

Stress: a response to external pressure

Stress is typically connected to something specific and external — deadlines, conflict, health concerns, or major life changes.

Stress often looks like:

Feeling tense or overwhelmed
Trouble relaxing
Irritability or fatigue
Difficulty sleeping during busy periods

Stress usually decreases when the situation improves or when you rest. While uncomfortable, it’s a normal nervous system response. Therapy can certainly help, but stress isn’t necessarily chronic or ongoing and can resolve with a change in circumstances.

Anxiety: when the nervous system stays on high alert

Anxiety goes beyond situational stress. It’s a state of ongoing nervous system activation, even when there’s no immediate threat.

Anxiety may include:

Persistent worry or rumination
Physical symptoms like chest tightness, shakiness, or stomach issues
Hypervigilance or fear of bodily sensations (read my post about health anxiety here)
Difficulty feeling calm even when things are “fine”

Anxiety often feels confusing because the body reacts as if something is wrong, even when the mind can’t pinpoint why. This is where many people start wondering, “Do I have anxiety?”

Panic: a surge of intense fear

Panic is a sudden, intense spike of fear that often comes with strong physical sensations.

Panic attacks can include:

Racing heart or shortness of breath
Dizziness or trembling
Chest tightness or pain
A fear of losing control or something bad happening

Panic is frightening, but not dangerous. Many people with panic also experience anxiety between attacks — often worrying about when the next one will happen.

Why these experiences overlap

Stress, anxiety, and panic are all driven by the nervous system. They exist on a spectrum rather than as separate boxes. Chronic stress can lead to anxiety. Anxiety can increase the likelihood of panic occurring. And people experience these brain states in widely different ways.

This overlap is why symptoms can shift over time — and why reassurance alone often doesn’t resolve them.

How anxiety therapy can help

Effective anxiety therapy doesn’t just label symptoms — it helps you understand why your nervous system is reacting the way it is.

As an anxiety therapist in Lawrence, KS, I work with clients to:

Identify nervous system patterns driving anxiety or panic
Reduce fear of physical sensations
Build internal safety and emotional flexibility
Address underlying stress and trauma responses

The goal isn’t to eliminate all stress or anxiety, but to help your system feel steadier and more resilient.

You’re not broken — you’re responding

If you’re dealing with stress, anxiety, or panic, it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It means your nervous system has been working hard to protect you.

With the right support, those responses can soften — and life can feel more manageable again. Want to connect about starting therapy? Message me here and let’s chat.

Tag: mindfulness

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