happiness – Empower Mental Wellness

Do I have control of my happiness?

Don’t get me wrong, I understand the English language fairly well and am fully aware that the word “happiness” is indeed (if we want to be technical) a noun used to describe “a state of well-being and contentment” (Merriam-Webster, 2004).

However.

The question is, HOW do we get to that optimal state of contentment or happiness? Is it a condition or circumstance that is thrust upon us with similar happenstance to a raindrop landing on our head as we walk outside on an overcast day? Or is happiness based on DNA, meaning that a person is genetically “wired” to have a set point of overall happiness beginning at birth?

Both these things are true: one’s level of happiness is determined by his or her circumstances and genetics/set point. But there’s more to the equation:

Intentional activity is the kicker here. Without effort, a solid helping of “happy genetics” and all the good circumstances in the world aren’t enough. According to Sonja Lyubomirshy’s The How of Happiness (find it here), intentional activity is responsible for 40% of the total happiness equation. Forty percent! That’s quite a bit of control we each have over our respective levels of perceived happiness, in my opinion. Check out this pie chart from Lyubomirshy’s text:

So how do I add intentional activity to increase overall happiness?

Here are some ideas based on suggestions I provide for my clients as well as in maximizing my own happiness:

devote time to nurture friendships and relationships–create time to check in with friends and family, and be fully present by minimizing distractions (put down the phone!)
commit time to goal-setting--setting goals of any magnitude helps increase motivation to continue a positive outlook
engage in physical activity that brings you joy–movement is healing and boosts overall mood (it’s science!)
express gratitude for what you have–create an ongoing list or gratitude journal to actively take inventory of all the things, people, and circumstances for which you are thankful
offer help to others–volunteer your time and energy to family, friends, and/or your community
nurture your relationship with yourself–dedicate quality time to being intentional about self-care, seeking quiet time, and acknowledging your own needs
dedicate time for spiritual growth–engage in worship, reading Scripture, or whatever else moves you toward closeness to your higher power or state of peace
develop coping skills–bad things and thoughts happen, it’s what you do about it that matters
schedule time for hobbies–each week try and devote a chunk of time doing something you love (art, music, crafting, building, etc)

For additional information on how to maximize your own happiness and positive outlook, develop coping skills, or seek a therapist for help–please contact me at rychel.johnson@gmail.com.

Bibliography:

Lyubomirsky, S. (2008). The how of happiness: A scientific approach to getting the life you want. New York: Penguin Press.

The Merriam-Webster dictionary. (2004). Springfield, MA: Merriam-Webster.

Are you an introvert?

I am an expert solo traveler. I take the “expert” designation seriously, with my budget-friendly international youth hostel memberships and my phenomenal Airbnb guest reviews. I love the freedom and the decisions I can make independently about how active or restful I want to be. As I write this I’m planning my 10th solo excursion! So stoked for more adventures.

I think the word “travel” paints a picture dependent on your unique reality; often, traveling is an opportunity to see more of the world and expose oneself to a plethora of experiences. And people–it very well may increase interactions with PEOPLE.

I’m an introvert!

Yep. It’s weird because I willingly embrace 25 or more weekly one-on-one planned social interactions, a.k.a. therapy sessions, and I’m introverted. It happens. Conversely, I absolutely need solitude for chunks of time each day to “recover” from my social and work life!

I have enjoyed my introversion for the strengths that accompany the label the past few years, but I didn’t always see my perceived awkwardness as a positive trait. Growing up, the idea of novel social situations made me nauseous. Made me bite my nails and cease all talking–I’d freeze and my thoughts would race. I remember planning in advance what I’d say in class should my high school teachers call on me. I remember keeping to myself and assuming the “peaceful observer” role I had mastered. It still happens sometimes.

Introversion and the possibility of meeting new people–but how does that work?? Solo restaurant reservations, unattached walking treks in LA or Chicago, or unaccompanied baseball games invite a plethora of unplanned social interactions that could render the typical introvert paralyzed with angst. And how awkward, right? I remember mentally preparing to defend my “aloneness” to strangers, praying that I wouldn’t need to ask anyone for help with something because that could be terrifying.

In July 2009 I was a solo-travel baby when I booked a flight to Boston–I attended some scheduled Independence Day events but otherwise explored without an agenda. If you know me well, you know I operate based on an intensely-structured calendar, planned hour to hour (#therapylife). I’ve since flown several times to the West Coast where I’ve rented a car and ventured north or south along the coast (I’ve covered all of Route 1 from Seattle to San Diego!) to hang out in the large metro areas of LA and San Francisco–contrasted by peaceful jaunts into the Redwood Forest and underrated vineyards in Monterey County, CA. I’ve driven loops around the Midwest to check out the Windy City, Memphis to visit family, and St. Louis for ballgames.

I befriended a fellow guest last spring at my Airbnb in Salinas, CA. She had started temp work at an organic farm nearby; I’d commented on her boldness for starting a job in a place she’d never been. Her response was simple but has resonated:

“I’m becoming comfortable being uncomfortable”.

Whoa. I sat on this idea for a while. I reflected on my own adventures and the opportunities I created through solo travel. Yeah, I sought out some shareable Insta-worthy highlights, started a goal to visit all 30 MLB ballparks (I’m at 14), and honed my clumsy repertoire of conversation starters. That’s all good stuff.

But more importantly, I have gained a new boldness that I can only attribute to stepping outside my comfort zone multiple times, to gather wisdom about myself and my place in the world. I’ve boarded planes/ferries/trains/Ubers, asked for help (me?!!), and offered to share tables in coffee shops. I’ve felt humbled over and over again. I’m able to sit awkwardly with myself and embrace it for what it is… at that moment. I’ve developed security with my identity and growing ability to venture beyond my home base, beyond the familiar. And I think that’s pretty freaking empowering.

Am I still an introvert? Definitely. I still need “recharge” time each day, still, need to allow myself grace to adjust to new situations. And that’s okay, you know?

How to break from routines

I would encourage you to seek ways to break routine on occasion, to get a taste of comfort in being uncomfortable: with travel, trying new food, asking for assistance in a store. The change doesn’t have to be monumental–it could even be therapeutic. How will you do it?

Have an amazing day, friends!

Rychel

Tag: happiness

“Happiness” is a Verb